On Saturday (6-21-08) I rode 21 miles down to the town of Stow. It took me 1 1/2 hours; there was a gentle headwind. I visited with a friend for about 45 minutes and came back. By the time I got home I was riding against a pretty good headwind.
The good news is I made it. The bad news is my legs were pretty tired. One reason I like riding is it gives me a chance to think about, and sometimes even solve, problems. I've thought about failed loves, failures in the stock market, and life in general. Lately, I think a lot about "Why the hell am I doing this? Why am I riding 1,700 miles, all by myself, across the United States?"
There are lots of reasons, but I think the one really driving me is to prove, to myself, my manhood. Now I know I don't have to really prove my manhood per se, but consider what Parkinson's does to a person. It doesn't just make you tremble. It weakens you and saps your strength. It makes you dizzy. You loose your sense of balance. It causes you to have involuntary movements with your hands and feet. It causes incontinence. It makes you freeze up; unable to move, and your face lacks expression. Your movements become slow and deliberate; you lose the beauty of continuous motion and coordination. You become emotional; little things make you cry. Depression is another symptom.
On the positive side, as Michael J. Fox said, "It doesn't hurt."
So by making this ride, by attempting it, I'm making a statement: Fuck you Parkinson's! And I hope making people more aware of the disease will help spur the fight against it.
That's the way I see it. Perhaps, in some convoluted manner, I am happy that this God damned disease is forcing me to live my life and experience all I can, while I can. I doubt that I'd be doing the ride without it. It's the philosophers sport.
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